Check Out My Level 48 Dark Elf Paladin!!!

Sorry to everyone, the title was meant as bait for nerds and geeks. Sorry to nerds and geeks, we all know that Dark Elves could never be Paladins.
Now that I have you here, what if I told you that I could explain a mysterious concept in such a simple way that it would blow the magic seals off of our...heh heh, I mean your, fantasy world? That concept is love.
Your minds are geared for learning the sciences, advanced languages like Klingon, debating the possibilities of time travel, and the ethics of two superhero universes colliding. The best descriptions of love that you've ever heard is:

Q: What is love?
A: It's just everything and more.

Q: How do you know you're in love?
A: It just hits you one day and you know, you just know.

Not very informative right? If I can put this confusing conundrum on a level that you can understand, we'll start seeing Chess Club presidents taking head cheerleaders to the prom. We'll see mega-babes at the comic book store buying the latest JLA for their boyfriend, just 'cuz (if you don't consider yourself a nerd but know what JLA means...maybe you should reconsider). We'll see... gasp! dare I say it? dare I even imagine such a thing? we'll see girls shopping at Nordstrom on weekdays acting as Dungeon Master on weekends!! Put your tongues back in your mouths, geeks. I don't know if you can even understand what I'm about to teach you yet. So let's get right to it!

Lesson 1: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Newton had it right. Want to know if a girl is into you? What do you do when you have a crushy-crush? Just because boys are boys and girls are girls doesn't mean that we act terribly different in similar situations. Let's say that girl you've had your eye on as much as that Gandalf staff down at the sword shop asked you out for Saturday (hypothetically), BUT, your questing party has an adventure that night. Are you going to say "sorry I can't make it?" Are you even going to make any mention that it might not be possible? Of course not! You'd say yes (without hesitating) and then figure out how to break your plans with your guild. No amount of ogre slaying, even with an ogre-slaying dagger that has +9 damage against ogres, is going to keep you from going on that date. So what I'm saying is if you drink so much Red Bull that you find your inhibitions disappearing, ask someone on a date and pay attention to how they react. Maybe she really did promise her sister two weeks ago that she would hang out the same night you wanted to see Avatar with her, but if she's letting you know about it... she's not as into you as you are into her. May the force be with you!!

Road Respect

Dear Bikes,

You are wondrous inventions with a still untapped potential. Your seemingly endless possibility for functional design and aesthetic styling will never cease to amaze us. Even your spandex-clad riders command an unquestioned respect in the fitness world. It is after great contemplation and with heavy heart that we make a simple request: if there is enough room on the road to be a bike, please be a bike. You are not a car. You will never be a car so stay out of my way. Cars have engines. Cars have power. It is sexy to pick up your date in a nice car. It is not sexy to ride a bike to your date unless you are 14 and have pegs so she can stand on them. Listen Bikes, I don't want to get into this right now. Bottom line, please quit riding 20 mph where I'm supposed to be driving 45, and I'll stay out of the bike lane.

All the best,
Me and my Mazda 3.