Discoveries...a new world!

I like to think I've lived a very epic life. Sure I'm no George Washington but come on, I'm going to be one of those people that History will look back on and say,"Well, he didn't completely destroy everything I worked hard to establish." Why don't we look back, back in time and see what things I have done in my life to merit an entrance into some obscure reference book that will sit on a library shelf until the end of time.
I invented Street Fighter G.I. Joes. When I was a kid my cousin and I were way into Street Fighter (who wasn't and still isn't?) and G.I. Joe (the movie is going to kick so much trash, they should release a Barbie movie at the same time so it can be killed in the box office). So I had the great idea that they should make Street Fighter action figures like G.I. Joes! Only, I didn't notice the corporate spy lurking in the bushes ready to steal a 10 year old's idea! Who made millions? I didn't. It was my idea and I was going to tell the toy company. Imagine my dismay, nay, outrage at discovering that someone had pilfered my ideas! Curses!
Next time you hear someone say, "Oh snap!" Think of me, not because I told you to, but because you know the person that coined the phrase. In junior high, before the phrase was ever used I was walking up a set of steps thinking about something cool no doubt when my lack of attention caused me to trip and nearly bang my shin! "Oh snap" I exclaimed. Then I thought to myself,"Snap? Who says that? Lame." But someone was listening. I don't know who. My theory is that whoever overheard my faux pas sent word back east of this new phrase. So it seems like the cool kids in New York were saying it first but no, it was me.
I'm pretty sure I would have invented MTV if given the chance. Potato chips? I hate ruffles so guess what, my new life goal is to flatten every crinkly chip I find.
Cotton gin? That was me. But I know you're saying,"Now didn't Eli Whitney actually invent the cotton gin?" No, he did not. I invented time machines too and I wanted to help out a struggling inventor in 1793. So sue me. The macarena? Mine. Shoes with buckles...pilgrims, but I let them have that one too. Reality TV? That one I apologize for. I didn't think filming a bunch of people doing nothing would catch on so I really meant it as a joke. Oops. The joke was on everyone.
Wow, now that I think about it I've had my hand in a lot of things. Space travel, automated-teller machines, super-sizing fast food, ping pong, the letter z, the 80s (everyone wanted to skip them but I said give it a chance), row boats. I've done a lot of things in my years and I plan to do a lot more so watch out!!